Why do I do this to myself?

For years I have had the same pattern/habit/tradition, I am not sure which word applies.  When I receive an invitation to an event where I need to bring a dish to pass I go on a quest.  I will spend hours combing through cookbooks I never crack open on other occasions looking for that perfect dish to take with me.  Sometimes I have no clue what I would like to make, other times I have an allusive idea to start with but struggle to find the exact recipes to fulfill that idea.  Like I said, I have been doing this for years.

I remember vividly the scavenger hunt 16 years ago when I decided that jalapeño poppers would be a great dish to pass.  I had never handled jalapeños before.  What a crazy day.  Learning how to handle those peppers, then stuffing and breading them.  Baking them to perfection only to learn we were going to eat AFTER the scavenger hunt.  The poppers went cold and no one ate them.  I was crushed.

One of the recipes I found in my experimentation became a big hit and I was asked to do it often.  It is a simple dish involving graham crackers, pudding and Cool Whip.  I would take it when I was asked to, but it was begrudgingly.  It squelched me desire for new, different dishes.  I was thankful when that dessert was forgotten and I could break out the cook books again.

Last night I decided to make Lemon Squares from scratch.  I do realize that there is a box in the grocery store but I really wanted to make them from scratch.  I executed planning the recipe badly.  I had already run to the grocery store certain that I had enough of the staples from the recipe; i.e. butter, eggs and sugar.  After running to the neighbors for eggs, calling my husband to buy butter on his way home and substituting powdered sugar for granulated, I had the dish ready to put into the oven.  I also forgot to factor in the baking time.  I pulled the dish out of the oven in time to dash out of the door. We were 5 minutes late with a steaming hot pan of Lemon Squares.  I do have to admit the pan came back almost empty and the few bars that were left are gone now but I really need to learn better food planning.  The stress I create for myself by experimenting combined with procrastinating is a little much.